/me takes a break...... :: 3. september 2001 by Whimp :: This is a very personal “rant” and if u don’t know me, u might find it boring or u might not. I wrote it in English, so plz ignore spelling and gramma and focus on the content :) I use the term “junkie”, but if it makes u fell better, plz replace “junkie” with “addict”. This is not written to make Quake-players angry, everyone who knows me, knows my affection towards the Quake-scene, so plz read this for what it is: a junkies road to a cold turkey. Whenever we pass 1. September, I always thinks "Another year with Quake has passed!" And so I did 1. September 2001 as it was my fifth year with online gaming and Quake. But this time, it was a different 1. September, now I had 2 small girls (Nanna and Olivia). I still have Jennifer (my wife and girlfriend for 9 years) and I love her and the girls more than anything in the world. This made me think, wtf am I doing ? Before I answer that, lets take a look at my time with Quake: In 1996 I worked in an Internet Cafe and I started playing Quake, I spend like 30-40 hours a week playing Quake, so I became quite good. I played in some good clans (TVP, DW, CW, GG, NB, 187, NV, CN) and I always played with the best (Sargon, Judas, Descenman, CrazyMac, Rayze(sephiroth), Fifi, Forsberg, Jerry and a lot of others) When I stopped working at the cafe I started playing from my home. At that time I had been dating Jennifer for 5 years and now she had to share me, with another - namely Quake -. At start, it was hard to convince her, that Quake was like any other sport to me, but in the end she let me play almost as much as I wanted (I think she gave up), and today I am amazed that she didn’t kicked me out. Back then I played at least 100 - 150 hours a month, and I had a job beside this, so she didn’t get the attention she deserved. The problem for me was that Quake had become a drug :( Every time I was alone in the house I played Quake, whenever she fell asleep on the couch I sneaked away to play Quake. I was hooked and I couldn’t do anything about it. Quake is single most thing that Jennifer and I could argued about, but the drug was to strong for me to get rid off. A lot of times we had had an argument, I would stop playing Quake for a week or so and then I would return. AND SHE ALWAYS FORGAVE ME!!! I misused her love in a way that - when I writes this - makes me sick and angry at myself. Despite this she stuck with me and we got married in 1997 and had our first child Nanna, in marts of 2000. I WAS STILL ONLINE FOR MORE THAT 100 HOURS A MONTH!! I was sure having a child would change my addiction and it did, now I never went online until she (Nanna) was asleep, and u guessed it, Jennifer got neglected again, and now I was up until 1.30 - 3.30 in the morning and I had to go to work at 08.00, so I was often very tired. In marts 2001 Olivia was born, and in the first 5 month she has been sleeping a lot (16 - 20 hours a day), so she has been an easy girl :). I was still fixing Quake and wasn’t getting any wiser. Besides all this I also play tennis and badminton, so offcourse I weren’t online every night, but at least 3 - 5 nights a week and always on Sundays. So Friday 31/8-2001 another year as a junkie* passed by and it just clicked for me. I deleted my Quake and Q3A folder and decided to take a break for at least a month. Now only 3 days has passed, and the first Sunday without Quake went by. I spend the evening watching telly with Jennifer, she smiled at me and said "This is first the Sunday I can remember, where u and I are sitting and watching the telly together" I smiled back and thought "U F*CKING MORON, SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SAY THAT :(" I will always be a Quake-junkie* and there is no doubt in my mind, that if I start again to soon, I will be right back fixing Quake on a daily basis and I wont be able to control it. If I was 15 years old and a Quake-junkie* it wouldn’t be much of a problem, but I am a husband and father, I own a house and two (old) cars and I have just gotten a new job. So I have a lot of good IRL stuff going for me and still its so f*cking hard to quite a f*cking computergame! But its not just a game, Quake and the Quake-community is a way of life and that is one of the reasons that makes it so hard to quit. The other issue is the adrenaline rush, a lot of "normal" ppl go to school or have jobs and unless u have a job/school that gives you that rush, Quake can be a substitute for your lack of "excitement". But its dangerous, as u easy can isolate yourself from the rest of the world. I am so lucky that I have a family that needs me, and therefore makes this decision so much more easier for me. So now what ? Well as u can read from above I should have enough to do :) The new job I mention is hopefully my new adrenaline rush :) I wanna thank all the Quakers that made these 5 years fun and exiting, at the same time I would like to warn the same ppl, Quake is a drug, and junkies* are losers :( I am 35 years old, if the only thing I could say right now was “I KICK AZZ IN QUAKE” I would be screwed, thank god its not :) To Jennifer: I love u and I cannot express my feelings to u and our two girls here, u did the time and it wasn’t even your crime. U kept on loving me and never gave up, I think its because u knew me before I was a junkie* and u hoped that the old Lars-Henrik would return, AND HE HAS, im not sure how, but I will make it up to u :) Husband, father and a fellow Quaker. Lars-Henrik Bjørnbak a.k.a. Whimp * My personal Junkietest: So what’s makes people a Quake-junkie ? In my book you would be considered a junkie if you answer YES to 3 of these 7 statements: 1. I would rather play Quake/chat on IRC than watch telly/read a book. 2. I would rather play Quake/chat on IRC than go to a party with friends. 3. Whenever I am alone, I play Quake/chat on IRC. 4. I can’t stop playing Quake/chat on IRC for a month even if I want to. 5. I plan IRL stuff so it fits in my Quake-calender and not vice versa. 6. I skip work/school regular to play Quake/chat on IRC. 7. Considering leaving ur girl/boyfriend to have more time to play Quake I could easy get a 5 on that scoreboard :( This is my opinion and its not science. Use your life wisely you only have one.